Relationships work best when you respond to what the other asks for and ask for what you need.

It might be easier for you to say “let me help you” than to say “I need this from you”. Perhaps one feels generous and strong, and the other selfish and vulnerable. Great relators do both.

Your co-workers, your friends, and your family members need to know you’re human like they are. They need to know how to please you. They need you to participate in a two-way street of give and take with them. And you need the connection and the energy that come from asking for what you need and receiving it.

Clear asking makes things better.

When you stay inside your comfort zone, it gets smaller. Staying where you are most comfortable is an unhealthy habit. Like eating junk food or smoking tobacco, it feels nice in the moment and makes life harder in the long term.

When you forge out into new and uncomfortable territory, your comfort zone gets bigger. Like getting exercise, it’s hard in the moment and rewards you in the long term.

Doing the uncomfortable thing that makes everything better is an investment in your future.

Bite the bullet, step into the discomfort, and expand your horizons. Make the change, try the new thing, confront the issue, upset the apple cart. You’ll be glad you did.

Organizations and relationships are like a big stone wheel that’s spinning. They have huge inertia in them. You must work hard for a long time to get them spinning well, and they keep spinning on their own for a while when we let go. There’s a lag time between effort and outcome.

Human nature tends to make mistakes around lag times. Thinking it will never get up to speed, we might not keep pushing hard on that heavy wheel when it’s new and not spinning very fast yet. Or we might neglect it after it gets going, assuming it will keep on spinning forever.

Keep your eyes on the future. Make sure you’re pushing in ways that help. Keep pushing the wheels that will lead to the outcomes you want.

In developed countries, we get what we need through business. Our cars and the fuel we put in them are produced by businesses. Our food, shelter, furniture, entertainment, tools, and almost everything else we enjoy access to are produced and made available to us by businesses.

If an entrepreneur develops a solution to a problem, and wants to provide society the benefit of that new and better solution, he or she starts a business. Based on the astounding array of products and services I can access in my community and online, I’d say this system of businesses providing what people want and need is working pretty darn well.

Businesses also provide most of the employment opportunities. They provide a structure for people with specialized skills to plug in and become part of the broader products and services the business offers to society. Employees don’t need to be able to provide the whole thing themselves, in order to put their part to good use.

Like all humans, sometimes business-humans use their power for their own gain and hurt others in the process. That’s not a good thing. By and large however, we all benefit tremendously from the abundant supply of items we need, developed, produced, and delivered by businesses.

Business is the primary way people with something to offer interact with other people who need that something. Business is how we organize ourselves to provide for the needs of our fellow residents of earth. Business is the primary way we serve, and it’s a high calling.

Some people have such a strong need to be right, they don’t listen and learn to get better. I know some people like that, and even more disturbing, sometimes I am a person like that. Ouch.

In my flying lessons sometimes I notice myself trying to give my instructor a valid explanation for the mistake I just made. When the conversation has become about someone’s ego, instead of the task at hand, we’ve got a problem.

Some people have incredible skills and ability, but they are also consistently defensive and/or condescending. Sadly, this ego problem negates their value as a member of a team. They have the potential to contribute a great deal, but by rubbing others the wrong way and making it about their emotional need to be right instead of the team outcomes, their potential is mostly wasted.

I also know some people who have a delightful combination of high ability to contribute and low need to defend their ego. In a recent meeting I watched the leader receive some negative feedback, own it, apologize, and suggest a solution, all without getting his feathers ruffled. Ironically, by not trying to defend his right-ness, he raised the level of respect everyone in the room had for him. It was beautiful to see how smoothly the problem got solved, because his ego wasn’t in the way.

I want to be, and surround myself with, more of that.