Edgar Papke is a big and friendly man with an accent that’s a little German and a little New Jersey. In a former life he was a chef at top-rated restaurants. He loves cooking and it’s a joy to hear him passionately talk about food. His round face and frequent smile make him look like a chef to me.

In this life Edgar is an organizational psychologist and expert on communication and culture. If you talk to him, you’ll find that he listens with a quiet openness that is at first unnerving. No matter what statement you lead off with, he will dig deeper and want to know more. I realized right away I sometimes lead off with statements I didn’t think through.

I think I’m accustomed to people who are in such a hurry to give their opinion, they don’t put me in a position to fully explain myself. When Edgar really listens, and he always does, I find myself peeling back layers of my own hurried thinking and finding out what’s really underneath it all.

His listening techniques are simple – express your intention for the relationship and the conversation, and inquire with true openness, without bias or questions designed to lead to your pre-formed conclusion. (It turns out there are about 100 ways to use a question as a way to sneakily say something instead of openly inquiring.) Leave enough silent space for the other person to fully express themselves, all the way to the deeper truths behind what they are saying.

These simple techniques are powerful. Relationship-changing, performance-changing, career-changing kind of powerful.

As I reflect on that wonderful weekend of practicing and indulging in great communication, I realize just how rare good listening is. I certainly don’t listen well most of the time. I feel like I’ve been getting by on PB&J-level listening and just discovered there’s a whole world of filet-mignon-level listening out there. This is gonna be big.