I heard organizational psychologist Edgar Papke speak last week. His ideas were brilliant, and like other successful leaders he interacted with extreme interpersonal respect.

Perhaps his most powerful idea was this: When starting a conversation, explain your intention first, before asking questions of the other person.

Example: (Intention) I want everyone’s input on the new sales process so we can make it better. (Inquiry) Can you see anything that should be changed?

Example: (Intention) I want to make sure I didn’t offend you earlier. (Inquiry) How did I come across to you?

A question by itself, “How did I come across to you?” leaves the other person guessing why you are asking. Often he or she will fill in the blank with a fear or insecurity of their own. “Maybe I didn’t respond well earlier. I wonder why he wants to know. Did I miss something?”

Explaining intention first communicates caring, it relieves the listener of distracting guesswork, and it provides a guideline to determine if/when the conversation has been effective.