I saw two speakers share a stage at a conference today. Each gave a couple of talks.

They were both good, but I was struck by how affirming one of the speakers was. He said positive things about the other speaker’s ideas and content several times during his talk. He responded positively to each comment from the audience. When someone answered an audience question he’d say things like, “Say that again, I want everyone to hear what you just said.”

Even when he disagreed with the other speaker on an important point, he offered affirmation for the other speaker’s openness and maturity about the difference of opinion.

Who wouldn’t want to share a stage with a guy like that? I bet his affirming style contributes a lot to how many events he gets invited to and how many people become fans of his work.

Since I’m a major idea guy (with a minor in tasks), this was a good challenge to be constantly mindful that behind the content of what someone says, there is an important person with important feelings who will be impacted, positively or negatively, by how I respond.

I cried a lot of tears today at the funeral for Bob Emmons. He was a mentor to me during some vulnerable and pivotal years of my life and career. He was so skilled in the art of taking an interest in a person and coming alongside to support them. As people shared their stories at the funeral today, I think we all were surprised to find out that Bob shared his special sort of relationship not just with us, but with maybe fifty others at the same time, and hundreds over his lifetime.

I learned a lot of things from Bob. Here are a few of them:

• He taught me the power of believing in someone. Before I was an entrepreneur he took me and my ideas seriously. He believed I would succeed when I didn’t think I would. That has life-changing power.
• He taught me about asking questions and listening. He was excellent at both. I’m not, but his example is an inspiration to try.
• He taught me about patience. I had some crazy and critical thoughts in my head when I first met Bob. He must have had to swallow hard a few times, but he never, ever criticized me. I am so grateful for that. He invited me to some growth opportunities that I turned down. Looking back I just wasn’t ready. He always nudged and sometimes even pushed, but he never made me feel bad for where I was.
• He taught me about acceptance. One day years later after I had become a successful entrepreneur he visited my business. I remember his words as he left that day “It was everything I expected and more.” To a young man whose own father has never seen what he built, that meant an awful lot.
• He taught me about pursuing one’s individual genius. His genius was not in analyzing, strategizing, or leading organizations. His genius was his ability to encourage and support people to become more than they thought they could be. I couldn’t do what he did, and I don’t think he could do what I do. He seemed to embrace that. He used his genius every day to make a difference in lives like mine.

Good-bye, Bob. Thank you for everything.

This year I’ve been acting on the advice of my coaching group to delegate more and do less myself. I’ve been using more contractors and outside professionals to take over work I used to do. I’m talking stuff like building a new office inside our plant, and preparing the company income taxes.

I’ve had a few major delegation “fails” as I try to learn this new skill set. In case any of you can benefit from my mistakes, here they are:

• I chose someone who wasn’t competent enough. I had a bad experience with a tax preparer who was not up to the job. I replaced him with a tax preparer from the top of the competency spectrum. Huge improvement. If in doubt, choose higher competency. The highest competency you can find in a contractor or professional might be your best value.
• I didn’t specify deadlines. I was thinking a couple of weeks, which turned into eight weeks, then I set a deadline. Tasks without deadlines tend go to the bottom of the pile and never get done. With every task you delegate, agree on a specific date for the next step to be completed.
• I didn’t give clear instructions. This resulted in a contractor ordering a new roll-up door for the entirely wrong building. Not fun for anyone. Be clear about your parameters and expectations.

I’ve noticed that delegating more puts a lot of my to-do list in a state of “waiting” for someone else. It feels a little weird going over my to-do list and not having direct control over many of the items. Delegating more also requires more people skills in my job as I am doing more deals and fewer tasks. I gotta say though, seeing work getting done while I’m busy doing something else entirely is empowering.

I’m also seeing in my financial reports that delegating costs more than doing things myself. My challenge now is to use the freed-up time to do what only I can do – lead the company, and do this effectively enough to come out ahead. I’ll let you know how that goes.

Growing up I wasn’t interested in being an entrepreneur because I was a very cautious kid and I thought entrepreneurs were risk-loving daredevils. Didn’t sound like my gig at all.

After leaving college for an ill-fated stint working for my dad, I needed an income. I decided to take a shot at freelance software development, my most marketable skill. So, true to form, I went about it in the least risky way I could. I bought no furniture, I rented no office. I used the computer I already had, set it up on an old kitchen table and that was my basement office. A few wires connected me by phone and Internet to the outside world and I was good to go.

My cautious little business was profitable and cash-flow positive its first week in existence. And the first month, and year. Eventually I realized that caution in business is a good thing, and daredevil instincts are not required (or even recommended). My childhood perception of entrepreneurs as risk-lovers was simply a misconception. So I became more confident in my cautious way of doing business and stuck with it.

I was a little bothered though because I thought the word entrepreneur was etymologically related to the word intrepid, which means fearless or dauntless. Well, I should have checked the dictionary. I did today and it turns out the word entrepreneur originates from words meaning “one who undertakes something”. It’s about initiative, not risk. Now initiative, that is an essential quality of a successful entrepreneur, to be sure.

Starting a business involves risk, but not in the Ready, Fire, Aim sort of way. Take the smallest risk that will accomplish your objective. Consider carefully, then act decisively.

In every product or service there are one or more points where the rubber meets the road, where the deliverable value actually gets created. I call these “core value add”.

• For a doctor in might be the moment when she connects the dots to diagnose the patient’s disease.
• For a plumber, when he removes the clog from the drain.
• For a manufacturer, when raw materials come together to form something worth more than it’s parts.
• For a salesperson, when a prospect is influenced to become a buyer.
• For an inventor, when he see his idea through to become a prototype that works.
• For a leader, it’s when her followers achieve more than they thought possible.
• For a designer, it’s when he creates something delightful and new.

In recent decades I think it became almost fashionable to be in a business where all the high-value-add parts of the product or service where outsourced. Outsource manufacturing to a company in Asia. “Outsource” capital investment by borrowing from a bank. Outsource sales to an independent rep firm. Sometimes I think this leaves a company without a compelling answer to the question “what do your customers pay you to do?”.

I propose a simple rule. Over time, gross margin cannot exceed value add. In other words, you can’t expect to markup the price more than the value you add, not for long. I know this is incredibly old fashioned and so not 1999, but I am sticking to it.

In this day and age of abundant choices and limited cash, customers simply don’t want to pay you a lot to do a little. If you don’t add enough value to earn your keep, the market is going to find a way to do without you, or at least give you a pay cut. This economic environment is hard on every business, but it’s brutal to the businesses we can painlessly do without because they weren’t adding much value.

I like watching “Dirty Jobs” on the Discovery Channel because Mike Rowe is always visiting businesses that do tons of core value add. Like a farm that breeds, feeds, and packages fishing worms. Or a factory that builds train engines. These jobs lack glamor, but they are very “rubber meets the road” kind of jobs. They have earned the right to a solid markup because they are adding solid value.

The only way to succeed long-term without a big value add is to 1) add only a small markup, 2) be very cost-efficient, and 3) do a huge volume. (In other words, be Wal-Mart.)

I’m not against outsourcing. Outsourcing to someone who can do it better, add a markup, and still do it cheaper, that’s a good thing. But if someone can do everything you do better and cheaper than you can, you’re in big trouble.

To all you high-value-add types out there who feel a little old-fashioned and inferior for not outsourcing and financially engineering your way to an easier, more glamorous ride — I say good for you. We will keep paying for what you do, because even in this economy, we’d miss the value you add if you stopped.