In milliseconds we decide the other person’s basic intention. We quickly judge friend or foe.

“Is he for me or against me? Am I safe with her?”

When we don’t feel safe we get defensive, we don’t listen, we don’t take risks, we don’t open ourselves to change.

To grow, choose people you know are for you. It’s your responsibility to protect yourself and your aspirations from people who respond with fear, criticism, or negativity.

And pay it forward. Go out of your way to show and say that you are for the people you are working with.

First you dream about the thing you will build, the impassioned work you will do, the mark you will make. Then comes a moment when you have a choice: launch it, or veer off, loop back, and keep dreaming.

Crossing that line into launch commit is terrifying. Fear amps up as the line approaches, and hits full panic shortly after.

Multiple past successes will not let you skip the fear. Thorough preparation (a good idea) won’t get you a fear pass. Neither will being really smart, likable, financially ready, and otherwise cleared for takeoff by all rational accounts.

I talk to people almost every day who have all those things, and the fear surrounding launch commit is still intensely real. Fear is an integral part of doing things that matter.

I only know two ways to keep the fear at bay. Live a smaller life than you dream of, or stare the fear right in the eye and hit the launch button. Stand in the gale force fear for a while. Succeed, fall flat, or muddle through. And discover that behind all the stomach-churning special effects, fear’s got nothing.

photo credit: pobre.ch

If you connect only with people you see a strategic reason to connect with, you’ll miss out. It’s impossible and unnecessary to know what you might get out of a new connection.

Add all kinds of people to your circle of relationships. Show up and connect with curiosity and generosity. Trust that mutual benefit will emerge in delightful and unpredictable ways. It will, and connecting this way will enrich your life.

Personal growth happens in relationships. Period.

Your relationships are a mirror — the only way to see yourself accurately.

They check and clarify your thinking.

They give you energy and courage to do hard and scary things.

The most growth-promoting relationships are unconditionally pro-you, and openly truthful.

Get connected. Isolation is the greatest enemy of your growth.

Last weekend’s Berkshire-Hathaway events were densely crowded with people eager to catch a glimpse of Warren Buffett. For me, the whole exercise was stimulating, and unsettling at a deep level.

My sense is most of us came there to dream. To dream that we might learn some secret to his success, so we’ll be really successful too. To dream about what it’s like to be that good, to have that much attention, and to be that admired.

18,000 people gathering to hear Warren Buffet.

I come away from the weekend reflecting quite uncomfortably on deep questions about myself. What do I want my life focus to be? Do I want what he has? I don’t think that’s it, so what is *it* for me? When I wake up tomorrow what will I lean my effort into?

Most people seem to me to feel they have to do more or less the same things they did yesterday, put one foot in front of the other, and hope it leads somewhere ok. People, we have way more choice than that. We have the precious gift of wide-open choice about what we do with our lives.

I wonder how many of us dreamer groupies will come home, ponder uncomfortable questions, make courageous choices, and act with consistent intentionality toward the specific future we want. After all, that’s how Warren Buffett did it.