When what you’re getting is not what you want, you feel friction. You might spend a lot of energy coping with that. Maybe you know how to calm yourself down, manage your frustration, and keep the apple cart from upsetting.

What if you stop coping and do these three things?

1) Get to clarity on what you want. Talk to someone. Write it out. No matter how big, scary, or unlikely it is.

2) If what you want violates the laws of physics, the laws of the land, or requires change in a person who does not want to change: Let go of wanting the impossible. Accept that you cannot make it happen. This is really sad, and it leads to moving on.

3) For anything else you want, take the energy you spent coping and put it into actions to make change.

All of these are scarier and more difficult than coping. The thing is, if you just cope today you’ll have to keep coping with your conflict for indefinite tomorrows. If you let go and/or make change today, your conflict will be resolved.