The space between the end of one phase and the start of another is uncomfortable. Between losing one job, and finding another, it’s uncomfortable. Between realizing that the current product line is no longer competitive, and coming up with an idea for a new product line, it’s uncomfortable. Between a milestone reached with great success, and discovering the next meaningful goal, it’s uncomfortable.

In those times I find it tempting to seize on the first reasonable-looking thing that comes along, just to get out of that uncomfortable transition space. A wise advisor told me recently that she believes transitions are fruitful times not to be rushed through. She’s right.

Transitions are course changes that set the direction for decades to come, pretty important. They are also rare opportunities to brainstorm freely, because “keep doing what we’ve been doing” is taken off the table. It’s hard to think of what else 2+2 might equal when 4 is flashing on the screen. The discomfort of “we have no idea what we are going to do” brings about the priceless discovery of new possibilities.

I think the key is to be proactive about generating and exploring options yet patient about settling on one to the exclusion of the others.

A concept I heard Dr. Henry Cloud speak about:

When you confront someone with negative feedback, they will respond in one of three ways. A wise person will say, “Thank you, I want to understand more about your feedback.” They will change when appropriate. The best way to deal with them is simply to talk honestly.

A foolish person will say, “It’s not my fault. I didn’t do anything wrong.” They won’t change. Deal with them by creating real-world consequences. Foolish people don’t listen to words. If you treat them like wise people, you will talk yourself hoarse and they will never change.

An evil person will try to intentionally harm you in retaliation. The best way to deal with them is to protect yourself and, to quote Dr. Cloud, use “lawyers, guns (police), and money”.

If you treat evil people as anything buy, you will be vulnerable to their attacks.

In this world there are some wise people, lots of foolish people, and a few evil people. If you can’t accept that there are some evil people in your world, you’re gonna get hurt.

If foolish people need consequences, what do evil people need? If I remember right Dr. Cloud said it often takes severe life circumstances for them to change. He half-joked that wise people change through self-correction, foolish people change through other-correction, and evil people change through the department of corrections.

The key is to know what kind of person you’re dealing with, and respond accordingly.

I love New Years with it’s look-forward feel. I think being deliberate about where you want to go is essential to living well.

Take a look at this goal-setting tool, Pick Four, by Zig Ziglar. It’s a workbook that provides a process for discovering what you want, and why, creating goals, and acting on them steadily. I have a few extra copies. If you want one let me know. First-come first-serve.

Here’s to a great year!